Denial Patterns

Read the Denial Pattern, then click on the downward arrow to read the corresponding Recovery Pattern.

In Recovery….I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I know the difference between my thoughts and my feelings.
In Recovery….I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.
In Recovery….I know the difference between caring and caretaking. I recognize that caretaking others is often motivated by the need to benefit myself.

In Recovery….I am able to feel compassion for another's feelings and needs.
In Recovery…. I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I often perceive in others.
In Recovery….I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of others.

In Recovery….I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
In Recovery….I am able to express my feelings openly, directly, and calmly.
In Recovery….I pursue intimate relationships only with others who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and loving relationships.

Low Self-Esteem Patterns

In Recovery….I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
In Recovery….I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.
In Recovery….I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
In Recovery….I value the opinions of those I trust, without needing to gain their approval. I have confidence in myself.
In Recovery….I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.

Read the Low Self-Esteem Pattern, then click on the downward arrow to read the corresponding Recovery Pattern.

In Recovery….I seek my own approval first, and examine my motivations carefully when I seek approval from others.
In Recovery….I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
In Recovery….I continue to take my personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it.
In Recovery….I am honest with myself about my behaviors and motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes to myself and others, and to hear their opinions without feeling threatened.

In Recovery….I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it's necessary and appropriate.
In Recovery….I perceive myself as equal to others.
In Recovery….With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in my life.
In Recovery….I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner.
In Recovery….I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life.

Compliance Patterns

Read the Compliance Pattern, then click on the downward arrow to read the corresponding Recovery Pattern.

In Recovery….I am committed to my own safety and leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
In Recovery….I am rooted in my own values, even if others don't agree or become angry.
In Recovery….I consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in another's plans.

In Recovery….I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and others to be responsible for their feelings.
In Recovery….I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.

In Recovery….My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my heart's desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
In Recovery….I ask my Higher Power for guidance, and consider possible consequences before I make decisions.
In Recovery….I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity, whether others approve or not, even if it means making difficult changes in my life.

Control Patterns

Read the Control Pattern, then click on the downward arrow to read the corresponding Recovery Pattern.

In Recovery….I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives.
In Recovery….I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.
In Recovery….I give advice only when asked.
In Recovery….I am content to see others take care of themselves.

In Recovery….I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
In Recovery….I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain the approval of others.
In Recovery….I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.

In Recovery….I find and use resources that meet my needs without making demands on others. I ask for help when I need it, without expectation.
In Recovery….I behave authentically with others, allowing my caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
In Recovery….I ask directly for what I want and need and trust the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
In Recovery….I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with others in a way that honors my integrity.

Avoidance Patterns

Read the Avoidance Pattern, then click on the downward arrow to read the corresponding Recovery Pattern.

In Recovery….I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy responses from others.
In Recovery….I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
In Recovery….I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
In Recovery….I practice my recovery to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.

In Recovery….I use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with confrontations.
In Recovery….When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to develop and maintain healthy relationships of my choosing.
In Recovery….I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and honoring my feelings and needs.

In Recovery…. welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.
In Recovery….I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
In Recovery….I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate.
In Recovery….I freely engage in expressions of appreciation toward others.

Denial Patterns

Codepdendents often... Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling.

Codepdendents often... Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.

Codepdendents often... Perceive themselves as being completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

Codepdendents often... Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.

Codepdendents often... Label others with their negative traits.

Codepdendents often... Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others.

Codepdendents often... Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.

Codepdendents often... Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.

Codepdendents often... Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.

Low Self-Esteem Patterns

Codepdendents often…. Have difficulty making decisions.

Codepdendents often…. Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.

Codepdendents often…. Are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.

Codepdendents often…. Value others' approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own.

Codepdendents often…. Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons.

Codepdendents often…. Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than.

Codepdendents often…. Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.

Codepdendents often…. Have difficulty admitting a mistake.

Codepdendents often…. Need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good.

Codepdendents often…. Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want.

Codepdendents often…. Perceive themselves as superior to others.

Codepdendents often…. Look to others to provide their sense of safety.

Codepdendents often…. Have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.

Codepdendents often…. Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.

Compliance Patterns

Codepdendents often…. Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

Codepdendents often…. Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.

Codepdendents often…. Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.

Codepdendents often…. Are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.

Codepdendents often…. Are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.

Codepdendents often…. Accept sexual attention when they want love.

Codepdendents often…. Make decisions without regard to the consequences.

Codepdendents often…. Give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.

Control Patterns

Codepdendents often….Believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

Codepdendents often….Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.

Codepdendents often….Freely offer advice and direction without being asked.

Codepdendents often….Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.

Codepdendents often….Lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence.

Codepdendents often….Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.

Codepdendents often….Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.

Codepdendents often….Demand that their needs be met by others.

Codepdendents often….Use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate.

Codepdendents often….Use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally.

Codepdendents often….Refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.

Avoidance Patterns

Codepdendents often….Act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them.

Codepdendents often….Judge harshly what others think, say, or do.

Codepdendents often….Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance.

Codepdendents often….Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships.

Codepdendents often….Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.

Codepdendents often….Diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use the tools of recovery.

Codepdendents often….Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.

Codepdendents often….Pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away.

Codepdendents often….Refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater than themselves.

Codepdendents often….Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.

Codepdendents often….Withhold expressions of appreciation.